Your dad touched me again.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
