I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
