batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
