Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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