he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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