Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
