Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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