dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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