his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
