There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
