Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
