My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
