Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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