i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
