okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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