We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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