the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
