and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
