i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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