My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
