Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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