and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
