So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
