Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
