lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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