operation harelip BJ is a go
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
