so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I enjoy the company of your penis
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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