It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
