Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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