I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
