New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
