I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We need to get me chipped asap
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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