I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
