Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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