physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
