with your own penis?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
