i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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