It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
