My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
