You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
