You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
