***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Someone signed my nipple.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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