batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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