i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
