my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
