I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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