shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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