atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
