I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
