I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
