My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
